The Mingling Of Souls

Song of Solomon has always been one of the most difficult to understand books of the Bible for me. Why is it in the Bible? Is it a “love story?” Is it allegory? How does it relate to and apply to my life? All of these are questions that I have had (and continue to have) about the book of Song of Solomon. Odds are, so have you.

Well, one author and popular pastor, Matt Chandler, has written a new book on love and marriage based on the book of Song of Solomon, and attempts to give the reader some answers to their questions. The title of the book is The Mingling of Souls: God’s Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, & Redemption. 

I have to confess — When I first saw this book, I thought, “Oh, no. Another book on dating, relationships, and marriage. And this one is going to use Song of Solomon as the ‘blueprint’ or ‘guide’ for the relationship advice.” Thankfully, Chandler makes it crystal clear in the introduction that he does not see Song of Solomon as a “Christian guide to dating.” Rather, he says that “it is clear from the book that there is a wise way to approach the opposite sex and that there is a foolish way. What we see in the Song is saturated with wisdom, and the believer in Christ will be reminded of the nurturing, patient, steadfast love of our Savior” (18-19).

What about the title? What does the “mingling of souls” mean? Chandler gets the title from the meaning of one of the Hebrew words for love — dod. This sort of “love” refers specifically to sexual love and is better translated as “lovemaking,” Chandler says. He quotes Paul House by saying that the word carries the meaning of “two souls mingling together.” That’s quite a word-picture, isn’t it? He goes on: “God’s plan is for a man and a woman in the bond of the marriage covenant to have their souls — not just their bodies — become one” (17). God’s plan is for them to have their souls mingled together.

Content

So what are the topics that Chandler addresses in the book? Well, that is one of the strengths of the book. Chandler focuses on a wide array of topics, beginning with the attraction that leads to wanting to pursue a relationship in the first place, to the dating process, courtship, the wedding, the consummation of said wedding, fighting fair, kindling romance, and commitment in the face of hardship. He really covers the whole relationship-process from beginning to end.

Dating

My favorite chapters in the book were on dating and courtship. Probably because of my role as a youth pastor and my time spent with so many teenagers, I have seen as much misconceptions in this area of dating within the Christian life as just about anything else. He hits the nail on the head when he says: “Dating becomes a lot about hiding who you really are, hiding your imperfections, and in many cases, unfortunately, displaying and making primary what ought to be reserved only for marriage” (51). That is — sex. And on this topic of sex and dating, he says:

“If sex is what God says it is, then there are few things as damaging to the human soul as casual sexual encounters. The hookup culture is yet another symptom of a confused and broken society that has elevated the role of physical gratification and sex beyond the biblical norms and wasted them, sacrificing contentment and joy on the altar of momentary pleasure — leaving only brokenness and regret (52).”

Throughout this chapter on dating, he gives several parameters to think through before pursuing a dating relationship as a Christian. And after giving these helpful parameters, he moves onto the chapter on courtship, which is where he argues (rightly so) that true Christian dating should have a specific trajectory in mind — marriage. And if that trajectory is not desired or clearly not going to happen, then the dating relationship should end. Clear and simple.

Who Is The Book For?

I think that this book should appeal to a wide array of readers. For the teenager or college student, the chapters on attraction, dating, and courtship are extremely helpful. For the engaged couple, the chapter on marriage will be a great source of help. For the married couple, whether for a couple of years or a couple of decades, the chapters on fighting fair and commitment to the end are incredibly useful for any marriage. Honestly, no matter where you are in life, at least one of the chapters in the book will be directly applicable and helpful to you. But the strength of the book is its comprehensiveness from the beginning to the end of a relationship — from the attraction between man and woman in the beginning to the commitment between husband and wife to the end.

Conclusion

Overall, I really enjoyed the book. Admittedly, Matt Chandler is one of my favorite communicators. He has the rare ability to engage the reader (or listener) in a very real and fresh way, while at the same time committing to solid, conservative, evangelical, truth. This book is yet another example of that. Chandler does not waver for one second in his commitment to the definition of marriage, the biblical role between husband and wife, the purpose of dating for the Christian, etc. Rather, he makes it clear, from the book of Song of Solomon and the rest of Scripture, what God’s design truly is for love, marriage, sex, and redemption. And that is a message that we all need to hear and be reminded of, both inside and outside of the church, particularly in the culture of sex that we find ourselves in today.

Click here to read an interview that Matt Chandler did with The Gospel Coalition on the book.

In accordance with FTC regulations, I would like to thank David C Cook Publishers for providing me with a review copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

What Is The Meaning of Sex?

Sex. Our world loves it. Our TV shows are filled with it. Our movies are saturated by it. Our political parties split over it. Our churches are silent on it. And few people correctly understand it. Denny Burk, professor at Boyce College in Louisville, KY, hopes to correct this. By writing this new book, What Is The Meaning of Sex, Burk seeks to lay out an explicit, comprehensive biblical sexual ethic, looking at everything from sexuality, gender, marriage, and contraception, in order to correctly place God’s purpose of sex as revealed in Scripture within the hearts and minds of believers everywhere.

What is the meaning of sex? What is the purpose of sex? Answering that question is the purpose of this book. Burk says that, in short, “Sex exists for the glory of God. Consequentially, all sexual morality must be measured by its ability to achieve that purpose” (12). Certainly, there are subordinate purposes for sex, such as the consummation of marriage, procreation, the expression of love, and pleasure, but all of these take a back seat to the ultimate purpose of sex: The Glory of God!

I love how Burk structures the book by placing the glory of God at the absolute front and center in the whole discussion. After introducing the book and giving a brief overview of different approaches to ethics, Burk lays out a comprehensive biblical sexual ethic in 8 chapters:

1. Glorify God with Your Body
   • An exposition of 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 in which the central command of believers is to glorify God with their bodies. Honestly, this may have been them most instructive and impactful chapter to me!
2. Glory God with Your Hermeneutic
   • A corrective to the misunderstanding of pitting Jesus and Paul against each other in a “hermeneutical cage match” until “one or the other says ‘uncle'” (62).
3. Glorify God with Your Marriage
   • “The aim of this chapter is to establish a definition of marriage that is rooted in the text of Scripture and that can serve as a norm by which we might be able to evaluate sexual behavior” (88).
   • Burk discusses throughout the chapter how God made marriage to be covenantal, sexual, procreative, heterosexual, monogamous, nonincestuous, and symbolic of the gospel.
4. Glorify God with Your Conjugal Union
   • An exposition of 1 Corinthians 7:1-6, where Paul teaches not that couples may come together in regular conjugal union, but that they must come together (111). Also in this chapter is a critique of Mark Driscoll in his book, Real Marriage, and a discussion of divorce and remarriage.
5. Glorify God with Your Family Planning
   • A discussion of birth control, natural family planning, and the “morning-after pill” from a Biblical perspective.
   • Burk quotes Mary Eberstadt when she says, “No single event since Eve took the apple has been as consequential for relations between the sexes as the arrival of modern contraception” (139).
6. Glorify God with Your Gender
   • A discussion of manhood and womanhood, both similarities and differences, and the challenge of intersex.
7. Glorify God with Your Sexuality
   • A discussion of homosexuality, including the major arguments and Scripture in the debate around the issue.
8. Glorify God with Your Singleness
   • A discussion of both Jesus’ and Paul’s teaching on singleness. Also included in this chapter is the single’s call to chastity, which includes discussions on masturbation, pornography, and fornication.

In the conclusion, Burk calls for Christians to think seriously through these issues, because how we live and how we proclaim the truth about sexuality will affect both the world’s understanding of us as Christians and their understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He says,

A Gospel-shaped worldview must proclaim and embody the gospel of Jesus Christ in such a way that God’s design for gender, sex, and marriage is clear and compelling. That will require both a counter-cultural message from churches and countercultural living among individuals and families in those churches” (232).

I would strongly encourage everyone to buy this book, read it, and think clearly about these issues. No issue is more central and more debated in our culture today than that of sexuality. I must admit that I was not expecting to like this book as much as I did. However, as soon as I picked it up and read the introduction, I had trouble putting it down. It is very well written, engaging, clear and concise. In fact, I think it may be the best book out right now clearly outlining a biblical sexual ethic. Pick up a copy today for yourself, your pastor, your youth pastor, your family, anyone you can think of. As Christians, we all need to think seriously through the meaning and purpose of sex.

In accordance with FTC regulations, I would like to thank Crossway Publishers for providing me with a free review copy in exchange for a fair and honest review.

 

Book Review: Sex & Money

Paul David Tripp, in his new book Sex & Money, writes with a tender pastoral care and with such simple clarity  that I think this book will be helpful to many Christians and non-Christians alike, regardless of age or maturity. Temptations involving sex and money are ones that plague each and every one of us, from the youngest to the oldest. And if we’re honest with ourselves, most of our fighting against these temptations are largely legalistic, just focusing on stopping doing “this,” or not thinking about “that,” without ever addressing the heart issues at the core of our temptations and seeking to apply the Gospel to these areas in order to overcome them.

I am sad to think that when it comes to sex and money we still buy into the legalism that says if we can organize people’s lives, give them the right set of rules, and attach them to efficient systems of accountability, we can deliver people from their sex-and-money insanity” (11).

I know this is true of myself. As I reflect back on my fighting against sin both in the areas of sex and money, I see a lot of legalistic, “do this, then this, then this, then the temptation is over”-type strategies, all of which were ultimately unsuccessful. What I was failing to do, and what many fail to do, is to dig deeper into the heart and find out why these temporary pleasures seem so satisfying, and seek to apply the Gospel to these issues, elevating my view of God to such an extent that the lure of sexual and monetary temptations would have no hold on me whatsoever.

 

Paul David Tripp’s new book seeks to reorient our thinking in this way. As the subtitle says, “Pleasures that leave you empty and grace that satisfies,” his ultimate goal in this book is to peel back and expose our hearts in order to see what it is that is so enticing about sex and money to us, show that they are actually temporary pleasures that will never be able to satisfy us, and then show how the grace of God revealed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing that can satisfy us eternally.

He accomplishes this goal over the course of fourteen short, but immensely helpful, chapters. Chapter 1 is an introduction to our sex-and-money insanity. Then, chapters 2-9 deal with the topic of sex, and chapters 10-14 deal with the topic of money. While the whole book was helpful and definitely worth reading, chapters 6-8 were particularly helpful in my opinion. In these chapters, Tripp shows that since sex is about worship, relationship, and obedience, then it can’t be just about you.

One thing that Tripp points out over and over in this book is how strangely silent the church has been about these issues. After showing repeatedly how we as a church have failed in helping people overcome chasing after these fleeting pleasures, he says the following:

In a world that has gone sexually insane, we have to do better. We have to quit being silent. We have to help one another connect the transforming power of the gospel of Jesus Christ to sex and to sexual sin and struggle. The silence must be broken. Biblical hope must be given. People need to be called out of hiding. People need to believe and act as if change really is possible. More of us need to be experiencing the forgiveness, freedom, hope, and courage of the gospel” (132).

Amen, and Amen!

This book has been very helpful for me personally, and I fully anticipate using this book to help counsel and disciple others in the future. Pick up a copy for yourself, your family, your small group, even your whole church. Saints everywhere will benefit from Paul David Tripp’s work in this book!

In accordance with FTC regulations, I would like to thank Crossway Publishers for providing me with a review copy in exchange for a fair and honest review.